Can you save your marriage right now even if your spouse is unwilling to do so? And if it is possible, how do you rebuild your marriage so it becomes stronger than ever?
How to save your marriage when your spouse is unwilling to do so. As you know, marital issues can be extremely complex. They can range from issues relating to sex, children, money, family, intimacy, and a whole wad of other things I probably haven’t listed yet…
But there are a few key things that you can do right now to improve the situation with your spouse.
Of course, fixing a marriage takes time, so I can’t promise that these techniques will fix your marriage overnight (it probably won’t), but I can assure you with enough time and effort, you’ll be able to turn the tide.
I’m going to go over some things you should NOT do… number one, you should never make the situation worse by inciting arguments and disputes.
Although in order to mend your marriage fully, you both have to communicate your issues in the marriage. However, bringing up an extremely touchy subject, when things are going really poorly will probably only makes matter worse.
Second, now is not the time to be overly emotional about everything. When your marriage is on the rocks, it can be stressful, but do your best to keep a straight face and concentrate on how you can actually improve your situation.
Third, don’t make fixing your marriage about fixing your spouse. Although it takes two to tango, right now you need to concentrate on yourself… everything else will fall into place later on.
Now that you know a few common mistakes that people make when trying to fix a marriage, here are some key actions you can do right now moving forward:
1.) Marital Positive Feedback Loop:
This is a technique that you can use on your to help you rebuild your marriage even if your spouse doesn’t want to yet. What do I mean by a positive feedback loop?
To better explain… think of your spouse as a mirror and whatever you do to this mirror will reflect the exact same behavior back. If you Treat your spouse with kindness and love, you will in turn receive that behavior back… just like a mirror.
But if you start nagging or arguing with your spouse, expect to receive negative treatment in return. It seems like an easy piece of advice to learn, but not many couples put this into practice.
2.) Prepare To Compromise:
If your marriage is on the rocks and your spouse is being sensitive or touchy, now is not the time to push those boundaries. Like I said at the beginning of this article, don’t cause too much drama – now is not the time!
Instead, be prepared to compromise on certain things with your spouse. If he or she is in the bad mood, do the chores. Don’t do them with a bad attitude or in any negative manner whatsoever. Instead, do your best to contribute to your marriage in any way you can.
Sooner or later, your spouse will see that changes you’ve made and will, hopefully, turn the corner and begin to work on the other areas of your relationship with you.
3.) Reframe Your Arguments:
Sooner or later, disputes and arguments are inevitably going to occur. When they do, you need to maintain a calm, cool mindset… and you also need to make sure that you’re framing your arguments correctly, in such a way that you don’t make the argument worse.
I call this my Dispute Defusing System it’s the backbone of my system.
One of the most important tenets of my Dispute Diffusing System is the word “I”. If you’ve ever watched two people argue, you’ll notice that the word they use most is “you”…
It’s always “You always do this!” or “You always do that!”. When you use the word “you”, you make your spouse feel like they’re 100% responsible for whatever you’re arguing about.
This sort of alienation will only make matters worse. Instead, use the word “I” during your arguments… say something like, “I would feel it would be best if we drove the kids to school early.”
Try it next time you argue with your spouse!
4.) Finally, Tip Four – Get Professional Help As Soon As You Can:
In order to make your marriage whole again, you need to work your way to the point where you CAN convince your spouse to seek marital help if needed.
I know, article is all about how to save your marriage if your spouse is unwilling to do so, but seeking another voice is often times one of the most powerful ways to fix your marriage.
Finally, you also have the option to involve a third party or mediator to help you and your spouse through this situation. If the situation is truly serious then by all means, get help. This is not the time to let your pride get in the way.
For all you know, it may be as simple as your partner wanting more attention or more ways to open up to you.
You may be making mistakes that will jeopardize your marriage recovery. Learn what it takes to save your marriage. Because your marriage deserves better.