Are wondering how to get your husband to pay attention to you or make him fall in love with you over again? Husbands are not that complicated. I think I can help. There could be a lot of different reasons why this has grown to become an issue right now.
What I would suggest is starting a little experiment. So, let’s try this. I think this is going to work in a lot of different contexts regardless of what’s causing the lack of attention or love.
So, here’s the experiment. I call it 5 for 5. The second 5 is 5 days. You are going to do this experiment for 5 days. On each of those 5 days, you will find ways to send these 5 messages. So 5 messages for 5 days.
That’s the 5 for 5. If you’re doing the math at the end of the 5 days, you would have sent 25 messages each of the 5, 5 times. Here’s how it works.
Now, I call it a message because you already appreciate your husband, right? Send a message of appreciation, so you find more ways for the next 5 days to send other message of appreciation.
“Thank you, I appreciate you”. And be specific, okay? This is what powers it up. Because it’s not just, “Oh, I appreciate you.” For what? What do you appreciate? Find something specific that you appreciate about him and then send that message to him.
It might change on day 2, 3, 4 and 5. But consistently for 5 days in a row, you are sending a message of appreciation. “Thank you so much for having my tires rotated.” Okay? Appreciation for a specific thing. “Hey honey, I really appreciate that you made breakfast for me and the kids this morning. That was awesome.”
Okay? Whatever it is. So, find it. Now, this is where sometimes we get stuck because, I know you maybe thinking be saying to yourself “my husband doesn’t do any of that stuff”. Okay, fine.
Find what he does that you are grateful for and not what you wish he would do. When you mentioned things that you wish he would do or that he’s not doing, how does he feel?
Usually criticized. And he’s going to pull back. See? That has the opposite effect. If you’re criticizing or nagging him, it’s just going to push him away. When you show that appreciation? My bet is that he’s going to pay a little more attention to you. He’s going to appreciate that as well. So, that’s the first of the 5 things.
A message of connection. What does it look like?
Begin to communicate to your husband, with things you have in common. It might be a current event, for example. If you hear your husband comment about something that’s going on and you tend to agree.
Well send that message. I agree. That could be the connection message. Or it could be, “Oh, you like that? That’s something that I really enjoy too?” Common ground see?
Message number 3 in our 5 for 5 experience is a message of elevation. Elevation. What’s that? You know how an elevator lifts people, right?
That is what we’re focusing on here is lifting the mood. The elevation message is something that causes more cheerfulness or positivity.
You know how we can get stuck into negativity sometimes. And people hate this, don’t you? Don’t you hate it when you find yourself just always being negative or critical or upset?
Okay, so the positivity piece of this or the elevation message could be a smile. A pleasant smile. Humor is another way to share elevation.
Begin to be on the lookout for what’s funny. And then you send that message, “Hey sweetie, you know what? I saw today that just cracked me up.”
And then you share that. Or it might be a little video. You know the little ones that you see passed around on YouTube or on Facebook or whatever that are just funny.
Share one of those. Elevation bring the mood up, cheerfulness, smiling, positivity. That’s number 3. So, so far we’ve got appreciation, connection and elevation. Let’s go to number 4.
If you continue doing what you’ve been doing, you’ll keep getting the same results. So if you’re not happy with how things are, you need to take the steps to change it or things won’t improve.
And the best part is, it doesn’t take a miracle, it doesn’t take a ton of effort. Just some simple action steps will change your life and marriage fast.
Love. I know this one should be obvious. Every interaction you have with your husband, everything you choose to do while communicating with your spouse or the way that you show up is either going to be on the love side or on the hate side.
Pick the word hate because people hate the word hate. You don’t hate your husband. If you do, we got some other things to talk about. But honestly, if it’s not love, what is it? One of my clients said, “Well, what about indifference?”
How do you feel if somebody treats you with indifference? Love or hate. Those are our 2 choices. You want to make sure that the 4 message that you’re sending in the 5 for 5 is about love, is about the the warm tender kind feelings that you have toward him.
It’s about compassion and empathy and respect. This can be a direct message of love or it could be an intentional, loving interaction that you have.
5 days in a row, okay? Where you intentionally do it? I know you are already doing this anyway. But this is something that you decide to do and you do it intentionally for each of 5 days.
Love brings me to the last one of these 5 messages that you will be sending for 5 days in a row.
Research shows that husband’s in general… And I know there’s specific sub groupings that this may or may not fit for.
But in general, husbands want to feel valued like they’re important. Like they get to wear a big old Superman cape and costume. They want to be him.
You can do this by sending the acknowledgement message which is, “My life is better because you’re in it.” Find romantic ways to say that to your husband, 5 days in a row.
So, quick recap. We’ve got appreciation, gratitude, thankfulness. We’ve got connection, where’s your common ground? We’ve got elevation at number 3. Which is lifting the mood and being positive and cheerful.
We’ve got love the love message encapsulate s’ everything else. But you’re sending a message of love instead of hate. Then number 5 is acknowledgement. “My life is better because you’re in it.”
Try the 5 for 5. Send each of those 5 messages, 5 days in a row. And let’s see if we can get him paying a little more attention to you.