I recently met a couple on the brink of divorce. They both had bitter experience from disagreements over parenting strategies, secrets, poor money management, a lack of communication, unhealthy habits, inappropriate “friendships” with the opposite sex, a pattern of broken trust, tense family dynamics and host of other issues had stretched the marriage beyond its limits. So they urgently called for help.
The only thing left was the love they had for each other, and wanted their children to be nurtured under a happy healthy home, but the raging storm hovering round their marriage left them wounded and exhausted to continue.
They didn’t know how to resolve these issues. It felt as if they were on top of a massive landfill, with a broom, a dust pan and instructed to clean up all the mess. It looked impossible, too big and their strength seemed too drained.
The only road that seemed like a possible solution was walking away and never look back.
I felt their pain and said words of encouragement, but most importantly told them the hard truth that there are NO easy options. Resolving the issues in the marriage would be a tough task, but divorce is a lot tough and devastating for both partners.
I understood that the goal wasn’t in trying to fix all their problems all at once, but to identify the root cause of the problems and and start to resolve them one step at a time.
There is no perfect marriage, every couple face challenges almost on a daily basis. Maybe you can relate to this couple and you feel you can’t survive the storm in your marriage. Maybe your marriage is going through bunch of issues and you want quick steps to prevent your marriage from reaching a crisis point.
No mater the struggles you might be facing right now, I believe that ANY marriage can survive if BOTH spouses will commit to doing whatever it takes to make it work.
When you’re marriage is facing struggles of any kind, please do the following right away: These are six action steps that can help your marriage.
1. Pledge a “SECRET-FREE Guarantee” with each other.
A healthy and happy marriage have no secrets. Secrets no mater how irrelevant, can grow to become a cancerous tumor within a marriage. When your marriage is on the edge of a cliff, your secrets could be the final ditch that brings the relationship to it’s ultimate end.
There should be an agreement of no hidden passwords, stealthy actions, secret bank accounts and so on. The ONLY way your marriage is going to rebuild trust and health is total transparency.
2. Establish UNINTERRUPTED TIME together (away from your kids).
If you have children, it’s important to create quality time to be a good parent. Aside raising your kids with love, care and Godly principles, but you also need time to be a good spouse. Your marriage needs to be nurtured consistently, just like a gardener waters a seedling.
Endeavor to make time turn to off the device when the kids are asleep, just to communicate with your spouse. I’d also recommend you plan a get away without the kids, so you can focus solely on each other and work on your marriage.
3. Speak openly about PAST hurts, PRESENT issues, and hopes for the FUTURE.
Most struggling marriages are complicated by past hurts left unsolved or ignored (or perhaps were never fully forgiven). Talk openly with one another about the hurt, pain and wound you’re still carrying, but also hope and pray on the good things, you want for your family in the future.
Dwelling only on positive vision of the future is a vital step to bring you out of the present rut. Be quick to ask for forgiveness and accept forgiveness, for the wounds of past years and work together to get positive goals for the future.
For more on this, check out my article, “5 signs your spouse wants a divorce (And how to avoid it)”
4. Cutoff NEGATIVE influences from your life.
When your marriage is going through a storm, your friends could make or break your marriage. Make it a priority to be with people, who will encourage and strengthen you through difficult times. People who genuinely love you AND your spouse too. Stay away from people who attempt to compromise your character.
5. Commit yourself with a community of FAITH.
Aside surrounding yourself around positive, loyal friends. I strongly encourage you to find a good church within your community. A church community will enrich and encourage your marriage in times of difficulty. The foundation of the church is God and He never fails to heal broken marriages.
He is bigger than the biggest, mightier than the mightiest. If there is one thing, i know that works is praying together with your spouse. It is a powerful and intimate way to grow closer to God and your spouse at the same time.
6. NEVER accept to give up on each other.
Take it upon yourself to remove the word “Divorce” from your vocabularies. Rather than walking away, focus your energy on finding solutions to mend your marriage and make a path to healing. This can be achieved if you walk by faith, pray together and keep going!
For more tips to help you build a stronger marriage